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Between the Extremes (A poem on conflicting emotions of motherhood)

/ momsdiary26 / Leave a comment

When you weren’t born, my mind was filled with thoughts so unsure,
But when you were blessed on us, you became my world, my strength and my cure. 

Seeing you crawl, walk, and grow is undoubtedly the happiest emotion of my being,
Yet the thought of you outgrowing my lap brings a tear in my heart and a reminder of time fleeing.

At times, my space and my time is something I so badly yearn for,
Yet the feeling of you not being around is so greatly I abhor.

When I scold or feel angry, for you not understanding the good that you are told,
The greater pain is mine and all I want to is give you invisible hugs, kisses and love manifold.

I nurture you, nourish you and do everything that gives you wings to fly,
Yet always want you to need me no matter how high is your sky!

I might want to be a nightingale of the woods, princess in the ivory or damsel of the dreams,
Yet find greatest joy in rattling toys, bedtime stories, silly chases and happy screams.

I want you to be the apple of everyone’s eye for whom love by all would endlessly surmount,
Yet want you to always be the baby who is mine and whose world in my arm would surround.

When I am stacked with the duties of a mother and the day just drains me to the core,
The time feels quick to have flown by and I wish if I could have soaked in those moments just a bit more.

You give me immense strength to know what my body and soul was capable to hold,
At the same time leave me so vulnerable with insecurities, fears, worries unknown and untold.

I might be complaining of my aches and pains and sleepless nights,
Yet, can’t thank God enough for having you by my side who I could cuddle tight.

It might appear to the world that I made you or brought you into existence,
But to me, its you who made me and let me know my substance.

No words can be enough to explain this ride so confusing,
Just a feeling that sums up this all the extremes of this amazing tale of raising!

A note on my baby turning one!

/ momsdiary26 / Leave a comment

My babyZee is one.

I blinked and the year went by. It was yesterday we brought our little bundle of joy home. It was yesterday, I got this unsurmountable feeling of handing a sibling to my older one. It was yesterday, we became proud parents one more time.

You are a blissful baby for us and a wonder for your brother who was, and still is more than amazed at all the baby things you do—your squirms and stares, and smiles and giggles and gurgles and babbles. Watching you, holding you, conversing and playing with you has been such a delightful journey. You in no time changed our home from a cool quiet place to a noisy household filled with a new flow of energy.

I could never had enough despite being a mom second time. You gave me some of the most precious feelings in the world.

You revived the joy of holding my heart out of my body. You revived that sweet smell of a newborn. You revived how the grab of those teeny weeny fingers felt like. You revived the echo of gurgles and coos and infectious smiles. You revived what it felt like watching your own made human incessantly. You gave the feeling of being the most desired person on earth for this new human. Thanks my darling for letting me live those moments one more time.

You gave me the joy of handing you to your brother. All the worries of changing family dynamics had all disappeared in no time when we met you. You both doting over each other are some of the most precious moments for me.

As a woman you made me stronger than ever before—surviving the incredibly difficult times of coronial era, coming out of the health issues that came along and letting go the people and energy that serve no purpose. Your birth told me the things I didn’t know I was capable of.

I must say, being a second time mom was quite different. I was now aware of how fleeting the times are. I was now aware how soon it will be when you outgrow my arms. I was now aware how soon it will be when you start to roll, sit, walk or sleep through the night.

So, the least I wish is to rush to the milestones. So, the least I feel is to be overwhelmed— by a long day, a clingy baby or sleepless nights. So, the least I wish is to crave for silence or a mess-free home.

Because I know, with every milestone, you are gonna leave behind a little of the little you. And I am so very much going to miss it. And here I am, already missing that squirmy, squiggly infant we brought home😌😌, since you are my big little boy today. I wish I could soak in those baby moments forever. But nevertheless, that little more will always be a little less I guess!

This year was such a blessing from God for all of us specially when the times were a little tougher for everyone around. You gave our little family of three precious moments to celebrate, to laugh, to be silly, and our biggest share of joy. I can’t be thankful enough for every bit of it.

A note to my son on being a big brother

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Dear son, I write to you on your eight birthday. After being the only child for good long time, now you share your status of a son with someone else. Somebody like you, who too calls me “mama”.

Imagining another addition to the family filled with excitement as much as it filled me with anxiety.Where on one hand, I dreamt of twinkling eyes and teeny weeny finger and coos and giggles, I was clearly unclear of all that was going to change; your bedtime, our constant hugs and cuddles, the love attention and care and all of what was exclusively yours. I dreaded how you would handle all of that, your attitude, you behavior and your acceptance to the upcoming norm.

And how incredible you have been in doing away with all the doubts that ever did rounds in my mind! You are such a lovely little boy, who is happiest at the mention of his brother. A little boy who loves to share his brother stories in school. A little boy, who happily transfers the spotlight of the family, visitors and friend to his younger brother. I am happy to see this beautiful side of yours and can’t wait to soak in the magical moments when the two of you bond more and more.

Although, it hit me hard initially, very hard indeed. When I saw you after three days at the time of birth of your brother, the longest we had been away from each other. When I saw you silently bundling up in bed without mama’s good night hugs and kisses. When I saw you sitting with your dad over the dinner, without last few spoons to be fed by mama. When I saw you finishing up your bath yourself without distant calls for a towel.

I sometimes feel apologetic about how quick you grew up into a big and responsible boy. When you no more need me on your head to finish off schoolwork. When you understand why mama couldn’t go out for bicycling with you. When you find ways to entertain yourself while mama rests with the baby.

But believe me it’s you who made my journey with having a baby easier. When I see you join me in lavishing our love to the baby. The way you pacify him when I am in the midst of finishing up something. The way you make my trips to the bathroom a little less panicky. The way you run for errands when I am stuck up with something of anything.

All your little acts of kindness motivate me to be a better mom and do all those big small things for you. More than anything, you make me feel proud of myself of having done things right to see you the way you are!

You are my therapy. Mama might be physically more invested in the baby, but you are always in my mind. My cuddles for him might be a little more, but my warmth for your adorable being remains the same. My words for him may be a little sweeter, but my heart never ceases to take pride for the child that you are and the child you have been. My role of mom may be divided between the two of you, but the child who gave birth to a mom will forever be you. My arms may be full of this new tiny being, but the smell of your newborn self still sits with me and the pleasures you brought to my life continue to give me those stings of excitement. I still wish to keep you in my wraps ever and forever.

Soon our house will be noisier. There will be rivalry, and fights and some bigger fights. There will be moments when you will feel like losing it. But I am sure your love and warmth will be your guide. The beauty with which you handle this role is going to set a benchmark.

I don’t say that you are the best son or the best brother just as these words are meant to say. But these words are the ones which I mean —straight from my heart.

Gingerbread House Recipe

/ momsdiary26 / Leave a comment

Christmas is here and so it’s time to get a little gingerbready! We did a cute little ginger bread house this season. And I must say it was such an interesting project to work on.

The thumb rule that goes with doing a gingerbread house is that there is no rule except to have fun throughout. Doing it from the scratch including baking gives you the advantage of keeping the ingredients as per your taste, specially if you don’t want too much of the spice content. Decorating it is the more fun part; of course chowing it down being the most!

Ingredients:

For baking-

2 cups all-purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

2 teaspoons ground ginger

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground allspice

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened to room temperature

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4 cup light molasses or dark corn syrup

2 tablespoons of water

For constructing and decorating-

Royal icing

Butter cream icing

Assorted candies ( Gummies, Skittles, decorating candies, sprinkles etc.)

Directions:

Preparing the shapes: First cut out paper templates for the various shapes required for the house. You will need two of each shape i.e. two rectangles 3 by 5 inches to make front and back, two rectangles 3 by 51/2 inches for the roof. Two pieces for the ends of the house; 3 inches wide at the base, 3 inches to the roof line, and slanted to a peak 5 1/2 inches from the bottom.

Make the cookie dough: Add all the dry ingredients together that is flour, baking soda, ginger, cinnamon, allspice together in a large bowl. Set aside.

In a large bowl, beat the butter and brown sugar and molasses together on medium speed until completely smooth and creamy.

Mix the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients until combined.

Wrap cookie  tightly in plastic wrap and chill in the refrigerator for 2 hours. (This is super important else cookie will lose the shape and constructing the house will be difficult.)

Cutting dough into shapes: Remove the dough from the refrigerator and make two balls of it. Roll each ball between parchment paper. The dough will be a little difficult to handle; the parchment will do much of the work. Keep the rolled dough slightly thick (around ¼ inch). Using a pizza cutter or small knife, cut the dough into the gingerbread house template shapes. Re-roll dough scraps so you have enough dough for the whole house. Any extra dough can be used to create fun shapes using cookie cutters like a star or an X-mas tree or a ginger bread man.

Baking: Preheat oven to 350°F (177°C). Line 2-3 large baking sheets with parchment paper or silicone baking mats. Arrange gingerbread house shapes onto prepared baking sheets, and bake the house pieces for about 15 minutes or until edges are lightly browned. Remove from the oven and allow shapes to cool completely on the baking sheets or on the counter.

Assembling and decorating: Select a base for the gingerbread-house. Stick the front piece of the house on the base using the royal icing. Stick the remaining sides and roof using the icing glue. Hold in place for a few minutes. You will need supporting objects for pieces to stay. Wait for some time before doing the roof so that the base sets properly.

Before decorating, the icing on the entire house must completely set. Allow the entire house to set at room temperature for at least 3 hours, before decorating. Decorate with butter cream icing and all the candies and stuff of your choice. Let your beautiful creation be a candy to your eyes for a day or two and then of course it’s ready to be munched down!

Tips and tricks: 

1. Cookie dough can be made 3 days in advance. Baked pieces of the house can be stored for 1 week and can frozen for upto 3 months.

2. Cool the baked gingerbread house pieces on a flat surface, else the corners will curl a bit.

3. If you are not a great fan of too much spices in the cookie, you can alter the ratio according to yourself; I did.

Those who are having it tough this Mother’s Day, we see you!

/ momsdiary26 / 4 Comments

Mother’s day is round the corner. The day which mamas all around the world look forward to– to be loved, surprised and spoilt.

And why not! It’s such a feeling of pride, fulfillment and joy for mothers to be appreciated for what they do.

However, it might be a tougher road for some amongst us. The day might come rubbing some of the hidden bruises. Truly, they are the special ones, and this is just to appreciate their enormous strength and worth which is beyond words.

The mother who is far apart from her children.

Step by step, she has been there to see her child grow. When he started to sit, she waited for him to stand. When he could stand, she waited for him to walk. When he learnt to walk, she taught her how to fly. Now when he has learnt to fly, he is somewhere making her feel proud- working, raising, achieving.

The pangs of separation are bitter. Sometimes she has meltdowns, tearing her world apart. But again she stands strong, defiant and unbewildered; instilling in herself the spirit she infused in her child. And she finds joy in his achievements, pain in his sorrows, mirth in his laughter and life in his life.

The mother who is hopeful– that she will hold her own child someday.

There she has been through the journey of innumerable prayers, moments of disgust, lost hope and revived faith. She in her mind, has made a million pictures of their unborn; lived a thousand unlived moments of holding, playing, cuddling, and rejoicing. She just can’t hold over the fact that how beautiful their life would be when it happens. Days, months and years have passed, she has learnt to live in acceptance and anticipation.

But this journey has given her something which is beyond the superficial. An unfazed faith that there is nothing above God’s will– faith that everlasting happiness is worth the wait. Forbearance– to stay strong through the most vulnerable moments. Hope– that the best time is yet to come. And above all, the blessing of togetherness with her other half, standing by her through thick and thin.

The mother who is bereaving the loss of her child.

This can be the most devastating thing that can ever be in one’s life.  The child, who brought a new ray of hope, is gone now. The pain is excruciating.  She has questioned the almighty, willed her own end over her beloved’s, stood hopeless at the altar– all of it, times and over. But the truth is she has him no more– lost to the disease, lost to the mishap, lost to the crime. God willed this to her and the reason is beyond her understanding. 

Amidst all the mayhem, she understands that this the time of test. From somewhere in the universe, she gets forbearance and strength to bear something unimaginable like this. She finds connection with God and learns to withstand the deadliest of challenges that life has thrown at her. She learns to part away from something so precious. It was given by him and taken away by him. This is something that teaches her to face any circumstance whatsoever in life.

Someone who has lost her mother.

There can be nothing more terrible than this. Even a thought like this is enough to run shivers down anyone’s spine. A mother is the first symbol of strength, love and dedication. When she is gone, she leaves a void that is irreplaceable and a burden which is heaviest to bear. The pain might grow less with time but the memory is un-erasable.

However, God always compensates for what he takes away. He sends angels to take care of those in distress. He gives them a stronger mind to withstand; and an ability to connect to a deeper level. And there she finds a whole new strength; and discovers life through a whole new perspective.

Unfathomable gift of strength and more power to all such women. I love you, Happy Mothers Day!