Well, you are a mother now.

And the beans have been spilled!

You have already got the cue that it’s not going to be an easy ride for sure.

You are running hard on time. It’s getting difficult to catch on enough sleep. Your child needs you all through. Your preferences have changed– towards work, family and friends. Everything else has taken a backseat.  In short, your world has turned topsy turvy.

This transition from a wife to a mother is deep rooted and can have great impact on your relationship with your husband too. There are some obvious changes that happen- to a varying degree of course!.

The lone time of you two is now a thing of past.

You hardly find moments to spend time with your partner since you are up and running on schedules. The priority is now your child’s needs, safety and health. And that requires a more than 100 percent of you. You are worried catching up the bed early since you have to wake up sharp at 6. You can’t just miss being late for anything. After all, being on time is not a choice you make. It is the decree by God now (Sigh!). You just can’t afford to have a hungry toddler crying his lungs out or miss your pre-schooler’s bus.

In this commotion, your mind is so exhausted and body so drained that you hardly have time for each other. Spending weekends watching movies together, or talking for hours in the evenings or making impromptu plans is a thing of past. You are physically and mentally occupied with household chores and handling your kid’s issues and to-do’s.

What can I do?

Find moments to bond, listen and show care.  Bonding and connecting doesn’t need those perfect dates and dining. Try to catch moments to snuggle and cuddle. If possible to find an arrangement, find ‘we time’ for short visits outside. Or just do some activity together indoors.

The sweet and understanding girl is taken over by drained and exhausted woman

Your kids just don’t listen. 9 out of your 10 to-do stuffs are still pending. Your boss shouted at you. And this the 19th time you’ve told him the right bag for dirty linens.

Motherhood can most of the times leave you drained, exhausted and exasperated. On top of that, you have your mood swings. In this scenario, it’s quite natural that all this gets passed on to the other person of the house. And there be more than usual rude answers, tiffs and uncalled arguments.

What can I do?

Don’t be a wrathful spouse. Don’t let that distressed state of mind take over your kind you– because that is what you are. In fact, that is what we all are. Try to avoid going on rampage as much as possible. And if in the heat of the moment, you ever do, no realization is too late a realization. And if we don’t realize that what wrong our wrong words and action might do, it keeps on building up. And there is a constant bickering in the household.

Ask for help. Clearly converse and ask for help if you need one. We often tend to not ask for help when we need it the most. Don’t expect that your man will understand without you telling about it. So believe strongly in the idea of co-parenting rather than handling most of the responsibilities single handed. Assign, switch, and divide responsibilities until it works out. It’s always better to peacefully discuss rather than barging into his sleeping senses and stirring a storm in the household.

A switch to mother mode

You are overwhelmingly involved in nurturing your children. While in the morning you are busy planning for the day, at night you might be busy preparing yourself for the next day. In the upheaval of your life, you might just not find enough of time and energy to give your attention or even talk to your partner. This might make you and your partner feel losing the spark in your marriage.

What can I do?

There are plenty of ways to show that you care and adore him. Understand his cues. Listen and empathize with him. May be a hug or a few words of sympathy will suffice. Show that you care by sending a sweet message or doing a gentle massage after a busy day.

Disagreements happen more often

The reason is simple. There is an addition in the family. And this addition is so very important for both of you. A mother thinks that her instinct is the most right one. Be it about packing the perfect set of clothes for a particular season or buying the right size of show, or introducing (or not introducing) a newer food. Even when the kids get older, there can be divisions of opinions. For example, when one of the parents is too liberal, the other one might be too reserved in making allowances for the children. And there tend to be disagreements on minor matters.

What can I do?

Be gentle. Sometimes without even realizing, we get too judgmental about our partners parenting. So it’s important to be mature enough in handling all such situations and maintaining calm and composure on self. Laugh off the mistakes that he makes dressing up or feeding of your child. Don’t be a know-it-all kind of over tutoring spouse. Be more forgiving towards your spouse and a greater person asking for forgiveness for your own mistakes.

Taking for Granted

There is a sense of complacence that takes us over after becoming parents. We no more feel the same thrill and passion in our relationships. It begins naive and natural. We are so overwhelmed with the love of our child that we every day tread those extra miles to give our best shot. As a mother you are compromising on your sleep, your entertainment, and friends and everything else. You might feel lonely in handling the pressures. You feel a lack of understanding on part of the other fellow. You expect him to be more sensitive and appreciative. But all these emotions are deep rooted in your mind. And a huge mound of frustration and distress is formed. Given what is going in our head, you might get less communicative of your emotions, less apologetic to your mistakes and less appreciative to each other’s efforts.

What can I do?

Communicate. It’s important that you draw empathy from your partner by communicating your worries. Sometimes, in reality there is no problem that exists. All what rests is there in our head. And we continue to assume and presume without telling the real reason of persisting tension between the two of us. Communicating rationally is the key for a happier you and a happier home. And that is the biggest gift you can give to your child.

Appreciate. Actually when we are expecting to be appreciated, we often forget to appreciate the other person as well. Appreciate– even if it’s no big deal. Appreciate– even if you think he is supposed to.

Catch moments to express gratitude through your own gestures and words. Buy him an unexpected gift. Or tell him how his cooperation matters to you. (Don’t forget to remind him that how smoking hot he looks in doing the dishes or folding the laundry!!)

…..yet there’s something that is so beautiful!

Then why do we want to have kids so desperately?

Motherhood is any day the biggest joy of life. It can also make your marital journey so exciting and beautiful! You meet the lowest of low and highest of high phases as a team taking your relationship to yet another level.

There’s a beauty in discovering the bond with the man in your life. The bond that brings you closer despite all the arguments you have had. A bond that is stronger than ever before. Living without that person becomes more impossible as he takes a greater share in your life through a new soul.

There’s a beauty in discovering some very unique side of his. The transition from just a husband to a dad who can be so caring and loving. There can be no joy greater than your man holding you child for the first time and forever. The way he plays with or sings lullaby to your child. The way he surrounds his world with you and your child.

There’s a beauty in finding a new friend in the same person. A friend who listens, shares, agrees and above all gives you strength when you need him. A friend whose support let you fight all the challenges that life throws at you.

There’s a beauty in finding love in his actions more than his word and falling in love with him all over again.

……and you discover his love

When he looks after the baby so that you can catch on your nap.

When he lets you connect with the people who help you refresh and rewind.

When he sits and patiently listens to your endless complains about your body aches, gossips about the neighborhood gang, bitching about your grumpy boss or the tactics of your creepy colleague.

When he helps you in your household chores bearing or switching responsibilities.

When he never watches your favorite Netflix show without you since you were busy on schedules.

When he makes friends (or tries to) with all the people who are important to you.

When he tries to make allies with you after that nasty tiff over that diapering issue.

When he watches those boring TV shows with you to just to give you a company.

When he baby sits for your visits to the salon.

….and the list goes on!